Below is a conversation between myself and a customer. It was about the status of her marriage, some fears she had and how we talked through it. Essentially we break down that sometimes our expectations are different than our current reality. And the key is to recognize this and learn how to accept our realities for what they are and begin making some changes. 

J: “Marriage problems,” she said ” I seriously think that it is going to end this time… I did the inner work, I know that I am hurt, sad, mad and terrified” [something about the way she said the last word got my attention]

Me: What are you terrified of?

J: What do you mean? isn’t it obvious? Who wouldn’t feel this way in my situation? I am terrified (this strong word again) that my marriage will end.

Me: And Then What?

J: [She looks at me and I feel that she started regretting meeting with me] everything will change [She said]

Me: What is everything, tell me more…

J: [Now she looks annoyed and impateint], everything, our whole life, the way we wake up and the way we go to sleep, our family vacations [I notice that she really has to think about that], my finances, the time I spend with my kids.

Me: What has been so great about your marriage so far? How often do you feel lifted and incredible? How often do you make up excuses to make things look better than they actually are?

J: [Waited a long few minutes] I never thought about it, my marriage is not so great, I settle more than not, it doesn’t make me happy, it’s just there… actually, it has been a while since I felt great.

Me: What would you advise your daughter if she was in your shoes right now?

J: [crying] I would tell her that she deserved more, that she has so much in her and no one, not even her kids should take the right to be her shining self away from her… I would tell her that she is so attached to the fairytale marriage life she had in her mind for almost 40 years that she forgot that this fairytale is worth nothing if it doesn’t make her happy. [brilliant lady]


J's marriage may or may not work out, but she walked out of the session with her back more straight, her head held high, she looked strong, empowered, and certain. 

Something she learned from this session and what we should all take away here is that fairytales are worth nothing if they don’t make you happy. Stop aiming for the tale and start aiming for the fairy-like feelings. All it takes is a shift in perception! It took just 75 minutes to help J shift hers.