I believe in boundaries and I apply them everyday of my life . You need boundaries almost in every aspect of your life. However, I would like to refer today about boundaries in relationships. When you set boundaries, people tend to respect you and appreciate you more. It's not always easy to set them up straight but they are necessary for any healthy relationship. I was analyzing the types of boundaries and I came up with the following list:
Remove the toxic people from your life
1. Be selective with your circle of people. You have to forgive them first, because you never know what the other person is thinking or going through. But then you have to eliminate all toxic people from your life. There are always people that are toxic for us, either because we cant get along with their personality, or you feel they express themselves in a negative way, about you. Therefore, it's better to surround yourself with positive energy. Try to limit contact with people who do not bring you positive energy. Obviously try not to hurt their feelings when you cut them out. You dont want to feel resentment or anger towards them, its a waste of good energy you could be putting towards something else. Just keep some distance.
Boundaries on your work environment
2. Set boundaries in your work environment. If you need to interact with your peers or managers in your professional environment, try first to set a level of distance or space. Let me explain, you can be kind and joke with them but always with distance, because the people that work with you or for you, even though you were friends from before, they still have to respect your limits in the work space. Try to always set limits and be straight forward with what you expect from them, and also be clear about your expectations from the job with your manager.
Boundaries with your friends
3. Set the correct expectations with your friends. You also need to set limits with your friends in the way you want to interact with them. For example, you have to be flexible and open to opinions and suggestions but always be expressive on what you really want and like, and if you feel they acted in a way that differs with your point of view and you feel is not right, let them know in private, that you don’t share their views or behavior and why this bothers you. Also, if they ask you for favors, be sure to keep in mind and watch that they don’t abuse your space or time or kindness. Sometimes you are taken advantage of by people who are close to you. Its important to be straight forward to even your closest friends, to express clearly what your limits are. We all have different concepts of boundaries, for one person it can be ok to do one thing, but for the other its not. Therefore, ask your friends to let you know their expectations and boundaries as well, so you wont do something that will bother them later on. Clear communication is key for a long lasting friendship and friends will respect you for that.
Boundaries with your kids
4. Set boundaries with your kids in your household. Kids need limits too, we all know that, in the house we set certain rules that they need to follow. Structure is good for their daily routine, eating and sleeping habits. Children at a certain age need to know that you need your space and time. Sometimes, we focus more on the schedule, homework, chores and their needs than we focus on our own needs. They need to be aware what your boundaries are, and they need to understand you need your space and your alone time. That will show them that you love yourself and will ultimately give you the energy to be a more present and loving mother. Remember kids tend to manipulate, in the best way they can, to make you feel guilty, they really know more than you think.So don't get caught up in that, just do what you can to explain why you need your own space. In addition you are teaching them a very important lesson: to respect the space of others. Furthermore our kids have their own boundaries, that also you need to understand, its not that easy as it sounds, its the hardest job ever, however, sometimes you need to put yourself on their shoes and be vulnerable.
Express to your kids what your expectations are and thats how you teach them to have empathy with others. I will give you an example: When my kids try to grab my phone, they have to respect that my phone its off limits to them. I know some parents just share their phone to keep them entertained and thats fine, as long as doesn’t bother you; if it this is the case, you should let them know and explain to them, each at their own level. Children understand more than you think, they will respect you more for that in the long term.
In addition, you need to explain your your kids the difference between quality and quantity time. Overall, its important for them to learn to respect your time.
Boundaries with your Spouse/Partner
5. Set the boundaries with your spouse /partner. At the beginning of a relationship, when we are in love, or in the first years of marriage, you try to do everything that our partner likes, in order to make our partner happy. Although, it sounds super nice and romantic, I believe, its not the reality for the long run. As a person we need to define our boundaries, of course, sometimes we need make concessions, to be flexible to make it work and to be able to grow together. However, because we were too nice at the beginning, then we tend to do things we dislike for them, at the end of the day they will miss-understand when you change. Therefore, its important not to set the wrong precedent so that they will know what to expect, this ladies, has to be written explicit for them, otherwise they wont understand. We tend to make that mistake over and over again. Therefore that partner not only wont respect us in the way we deserve, he will never be aware of our boundaries. Because we never communicated clearly to them.
We need to be emphatic with each other because we are different individuals, we can enjoy being together at times, but an important part of love is respect. If we are able to see the other person as a separate individual, with their own set of boundaries, in time, we will prepare the soil for mutual respect in the future.
Finally, I think we have to set our boundaries clear in all kind of relationships. That will make you a happier person and eventually also more successful in all aspects of your life.
This seems easier said than done .